wElcOMe...!

wELcOme to mY bLog...! hope you enjoy reading it with smiles on your face!! =))

Friday, April 22, 2011

still trying to figure it out.....

hurm.... this week is a study week... a study week is supposedly for me to study for my exam... but unfortunately, that is not what I'd been doing...hehehe... now, im home.. enjoying myself... heheheeh... but tomorrow im going back to campus... malasnye...!!!!!!! but never mind... cause the exam is less than two weeks n i'll be back home in a blink of the eyes... chheewwwaa.hhhhh... hehehe...


next week is my examination... i have to take like six papers... can u imagine that??! but still, i dont do my revision... hehehe... pemalas kate! that is why im going back early.. need to study... cause, i cant study at home... to much obstacles.... (kononye...) but, im promising myself that im going to study hard cause i need to maintain my CGPA... need to make my parents proud! that is my promise to myself! really hope i can do that.... pray for me k!


another things is about that so-called-human... urrgghhh... i really hate him! why is he keeps on appearing in my life??!! need to forget him! need to forget him!! i cant lie to myself... i love him... i do... so much... but at the same time, i hate him so much... he always make me sad... make me cry... even though i said that i dont wanna forgive him, but still, i will... i WILL forgive him... as usual... i think that is why he keeps on doing the same thing rite... need to always remind myself... forget him... forget him...



now, i need to focus..... focus..... figure something out so i will remain sane n NOT remember him at all... but no matter what happens, im going to keep on smiling! because a smile will always make my day!

note to myself: 
                     a) forget him
                     b) study!!!
                     c) keep on smiling!!

a girl with smiles =))

Saturday, April 9, 2011

trying to figure out what am i supposed to do........

a lot of things happen... some people say that those things happen for a reason... but still, i cant figure out what is actually the reasons for what is happening around me.... arrggghhhh!!!!! i really wants to go home... miss my home... miss my family... i really do... i hate here... really hate it... but nothing much i can do... i still have like what..?? 2 more years to go.... im trying to forget him... im trying really hard... but still, i always cannot do that... i always wanted to forget him... wanted to get angry... but, whenever he calls, i just cannot stop myself from not picking up the phone... i always wondering.... does he loves me the way i loves him.... does he miss me the way i miss him... does he actually remember me the way i always remember him.... i always wonder...

he hurt me a lot..... but every time he says that he is sorry, i always let him go... even though i promised myself not to forgive him... but still, i forgave him.... what am i supposed to do..... i really hate myself cause not being able to hate him... i really do not know what to do... m trying to distract myself by doing other things... but still, at the end of the day, i will start to think about him... how is he... have hes taken his meal... what is he doing right now.... am i stupid for always thinking about him.....??

i don't know... i do not know what am i supposed to do... i know that i have to do something about it... but i don't know what to do... really don't know.... pathetic rite... im becoming a loser.... damnn...!!! i hate him so damn much!!!! why is he keeps on appearing in my mind..??!!! my friends told me that he is not worth it... i know that.... but still, i cant let him go.... i am trying hard to think that way... but still, i cant.... i know he's not worth it... i know i can find lots of men better than him... but i don't know why...

i can lie to my friends... i can pretend that i am happy... but i cant lie to my heart... my heart just doesn't want to believe that... my heart has the mind of its own... i cant force my heart... im trying but it just doens't want to let it go...

however, I'll try my best to fake a smile.... i know a fake smile can be seen... but still, if i continue smiling, eventually the fake smile will become true....

a girl with smiles =))