still trying to figure it out.....

hurm.... this week is a study week... a study week is supposedly for me to study for my exam... but unfortunately, that is not what I'd been doing...hehehe... now, im home.. enjoying myself... heheheeh... but tomorrow im going back to campus... malasnye...!!!!!!! but never mind... cause the exam is less than two weeks n i'll be back home in a blink of the eyes... chheewwwaa.hhhhh... hehehe...

next week is my examination... i have to take like six papers... can u imagine that??! but still, i dont do my revision... hehehe... pemalas kate! that is why im going back early.. need to study... cause, i cant study at home... to much obstacles.... (kononye...) but, im promising myself that im going to study hard cause i need to maintain my CGPA... need to make my parents proud! that is my promise to myself! really hope i can do that.... pray for me k!

another things is about that so-called-human... urrgghhh... i really hate him! why is he keeps on appearing in my life??!! need to forget him! need to forget him!! i cant lie to myself... i love him... i do... so much... but at the same time, i hate him so much... he always make me sad... make me cry... even though i said that i dont wanna forgive him, but still, i will... i WILL forgive him... as usual... i think that is why he keeps on doing the same thing rite... need to always remind myself... forget him... forget him...

now, i need to focus..... focus..... figure something out so i will remain sane n NOT remember him at all... but no matter what happens, im going to keep on smiling! because a smile will always make my day!

note to myself: 

                     a) forget him

                     b) study!!!

                     c) keep on smiling!!

a girl with smiles =))

trying to figure out what am i supposed to do........

a lot of things happen... some people say that those things happen for a reason... but still, i cant figure out what is actually the reasons for what is happening around me.... arrggghhhh!!!!! i really wants to go home... miss my home... miss my family... i really do... i hate here... really hate it... but nothing much i can do... i still have like what..?? 2 more years to go.... im trying to forget him... im trying really hard... but still, i always cannot do that... i always wanted to forget him... wanted to get angry... but, whenever he calls, i just cannot stop myself from not picking up the phone... i always wondering.... does he loves me the way i loves him.... does he miss me the way i miss him... does he actually remember me the way i always remember him.... i always wonder...

he hurt me a lot..... but every time he says that he is sorry, i always let him go... even though i promised myself not to forgive him... but still, i forgave him.... what am i supposed to do..... i really hate myself cause not being able to hate him... i really do not know what to do... m trying to distract myself by doing other things... but still, at the end of the day, i will start to think about him... how is he... have hes taken his meal... what is he doing right now.... am i stupid for always thinking about him.....??

i don't know... i do not know what am i supposed to do... i know that i have to do something about it... but i don't know what to do... really don't know.... pathetic rite... im becoming a loser.... damnn...!!! i hate him so damn much!!!! why is he keeps on appearing in my mind..??!!! my friends told me that he is not worth it... i know that.... but still, i cant let him go.... i am trying hard to think that way... but still, i cant.... i know he's not worth it... i know i can find lots of men better than him... but i don't know why...

i can lie to my friends... i can pretend that i am happy... but i cant lie to my heart... my heart just doesn't want to believe that... my heart has the mind of its own... i cant force my heart... im trying but it just doens't want to let it go...

however, I'll try my best to fake a smile.... i know a fake smile can be seen... but still, if i continue smiling, eventually the fake smile will become true....

a girl with smiles =))

...~~ lalalalalallalaalalalal...~~

hurm.... its 4pm now n i still didnt do my assgnmnt.... lots of it are waiting but stilll i cant do anyting.... i just want to say sumting here... i really hate people dat like to pretend he is the leader... people dat really like to ask others to follow them... n when people didnt follow wat they say, mule r nk tarik muke... ko ingat ko bagus kah????!!! i just hate it when they are behaving like dat... urggghhhhhh!!!!! benci! ni sesi meluahkan perasaan ea..... hadoi....

sabar ea farah liyana... farah kan baek...penyabar....cantek.... (muhasabah diri ea...).....

hurm... ape lg ek... ha... a few days ago i got a msg from sumone (sgtla terkezut ea..)... he didnt contact me for quite sumtimes.... i dont now why he's been avoiding me... da last time i met him was actually las year.... i was so sad when he keeps ignoring me... he didnt even wish me on my bufday las year! sgt sedey occay..! he just said 'sry'.... dat one word really makes me thinking... ape masalah die sbenanye...??? ye la... im trying so hard to forget him... even though sumtimes his face keeps on appearing in my head... n suddenly, out of blue moon, he msg me n just said 'sry'??? who do he think he is??? brad pitt kah?? urrggghhh..... but da sad thing is, i still cannot get mad at him... pathetic rite?? hurm... tu la.... perempuan slalu cmtu kan... but da truth is, i still cant forget him... hurmm... susah tol... even i try my best to forget him, but still, i cant....i can fool other people but obviously, i cant fool myself.... haishh.....

but then, as usually, i dont like to tell other people about wat i feel... (atleast not everything la...) i like to keep it inside to myself... a lot of people said that its not good to keep it inside yourself cause it can ruin u litle by litle... i dont noe why, but i just cant.. i cant share it with other people... its not dat i dont trust my frens... but still, i cant.... hurm....

watever it is, i still have to go on rite.... keep on smiling... dats wat i always do when i feel so down...
keeps smiling!!!

a girl with smiles =))

life as a .S.T.U.D.E.N.T.

its been almost 3 month since ive been here... in my lovely UniSZA... lovely ke?? huhu... im i n sem 4 noe.. a semester dat have lots n lots of assgnmnt.. im not kidding u noe... urghhh!!! sumtimes feel like killing myself cos all the assgnmnt... sumtimes la kan.. hehehe... besides da assgnmnt, lots of other things had happened. also.. let me beging with da 1st week dat im here... hurm.... breaking up with my bf... he's sux u noe... really! my frens are really glad we broke up... they said that he's really not suitable for me... at 1st i dont noe why... but after thinking back... yaa... i tink they r rite... he's not rite for me... besides, my parents also doesnt like him... but i dont noe why.. its not like they ever meet him... but u noe.. dats wat people say... parents always noe wats best for their children.. i tink its tru tho.. hurm... after breaking up, i was like in hell! frust menonggeng la kan... sedey.. putus cinta kate.... huhuu,,, then, im trying to sober up.. bzying myself like hell... do lots of work... finish up my assmng early... (but still got lots of other assnmngt...sigghh**)...  

than i went to LANGKAWI! yeay! wif afzan, k.n n her fiancee subki... it was a great HOLIDAY!!! we went to lots of places like the cable car, makam mahsuri, pantai chenang, n some other place dat i cant remember... hurm... n dataran lang! lupe lak... they has a big eagle at dataran helang u noe... we also went to see eagle feeding... pulau dayang bunting... pulau beras basah...(i dont noe why it is call pulau beras basah... sbb xde beras pon kt situ...) den we ate... a lot ea... n shopping... ChOcOlATEs!! yeay!! i love dat! heeehhee... im so glad dat my dad aloow me to go there... im really enjoyingg myself there.... thanx to them!!! hehehehehe...

after langkawi, i went back home... miz my family already... hehehehe.... then, my cousins also came to my house... sangat2 la best! hehehe... da lame x gather cmni....n our activities are talking, eating, talking, eating, jalan2... n lastly tdo... hehehehe... best kan.... n my one week semester break was full with activities! im bless wit people around me dat love me just like i love them! yeay!!! heheheeheheh

n now im back in terengganu... sit here on my bed in my room, trying to figure out which assgnmnt dat i have to do first... hasihh... tired la.... bosan.... sumtimes i wish dat i can sleep forever... living in a drream.. so dat i dont have to wake up n starts thinking of wat i have to do today... sighh...***...

but dats life... watever happen, i need to move on n always think posotively... n always smiling! cos smiles will absolutely brighten up my day! yeay!! 

a girl with smiles =))

da weirdness n happiness in life...

hurm... lately ni asek nk teringat kt die jek... tah nape tah... its weird tho... i just hate him.. but my mind just cannot erase him from my head... hurm... trying very hard to forget him.... but everytime his name appear on my fb wall, i cant stop my hand from clicking on his name.. always wondering... die tgh bwat pe.. dia sehat ke x... whether he remember me.. or miz me.. cos i miz him like hell.. i do not know whether im da one dat make mistakes.. cos as far as i noe, i did not do anything during our last meeting... in fact, he's da one should be blame for... he's da one dat left me on da train.. not me! urghh! ok, mybe im being a bit sarcastic... but its true.. how can a man left a woman who barely been in kl, all alone in da train?? ape la salahnye, teman jek smpi station tuh.. x salah kan... die just bleyh patah blk jek... pastu nk majok lak... n den, bleyh la wat xtau... he even forgot my burfday! uurrgghhhh... WTF! sedey sgt... sgt2, occay... smpi hati die bwat cmtu... but, im trying hard to forget him.... susah cos he's been in my heart like forever... but i'll try... lgpon, im happy with my bf... biarpon kadang2 rase cm nk lempang jek die laju2, tp die baek dgn gue... n i love him.. not as much as he loves me, but still i love him.... and thanx to my family n frens for supporting me whenever i need the.. sepcially my bff, really loves her! always there whenever i need her... hehehe... enough bout diz lovey dovey things...

                                                  me n my bff, tyra razak!
                                                
hurm... a logt of things happen last weekend... my cousin got engaged! yeay!! congrats to him... sume balk seremban... n so happy cos dpt jpe cousin2,,, lepak2... borak2... bkn senang bley dudu k ramai2 cmtu sbb sume org bz kn.. so, bile ade pluang cmni, mmg sgt seronok.. release tension2... hehehe... n jmpe anak arway kak iza... aleya! sgt2 la comel! pipi die yg gebu tuh... haish.. die lak yg jd selebriti of da day ea... kalah org yg bertunang tu... n our journey begin at seremban... everyone berkumpul kt seremban... umah paklang... then da next morning breakfast n luch kt sane gak.. then around 2pm ktorg bertolak ke pontian johor... konvoi ramai2... dalam 7 kereta.. sgt la best... singgah jap kt rnr machap tuk rehat... den, sambung jln n smpi pontian around 4.30... sggh umah pakteh dlu... kat situ la ktorg jumpe aliya! si tembam yg sgt2 comel!! hehehe... tp sian die sbb mak die da xde... xpe... die stil ade aunty2 n uncle2 n atuk2 n wan2 yg zsgt ramai! hehehe... pas mnm2 kat umah pakteh, br grak ke kg banjar... kg tunang abang...(abg ni cousin yg bertunang tu la..) org jawa katenye... hehehe... cantek n manis... lemah lembut jek muke die... x same langsung cam ktorg yg ganas2 neh... hehehehe.... hantaran nye 5 berbalas 7... nice sgt... hehehe... da siap berpantun sume, den sarung cincin.. pastu mkn2.... bile sume da selesai, ktorg blk umah pakteh semula... rehat jap, mnd2, mkn2, den bertolak blk ke seremban... n on da way blk tu, msg2 bwk kete, mcm pelesit... kononye 110kmh jek... 10 minit pertama jek mcm tu, pastu, msg2 hilang.. hadoi.. mentang2la dorg lelaki, tggl kn aku kt blakang kan... skali da kene potong... padan muke... hehehe... smpi seremban dlm kul 1... aktivit diteruskan dgn bermain futsal tp mateku da x larat, so gue blk tdo jek... bley dorg lepak smpi kul 5 pg.. gile kan.. tu la... bile jumpe sdare mare neh, mase pon da x prasan.... huhu.... n da nxt day, blk kuantan... now kt umah... kebosanan... hehehe...

 selebriti of da day : aleya!

comel kan....

pasangan bertunang... abang n kak dayah

spupu spapat yg happening!!

tp xpe.... cos esok im going out with my bff! yeay!! hehehe.. hopefully, esok adalah st hari yg menceriakn... hehehehe..... besides, life must go on... n always smiles cos smiles can really brighten up our day! =))

a girl with smiles =))