letting go.............

i tot i already let it go..

but dis songs makes me realized that im still not letting it go.... 


a girl with smiles =))

my presentation sucks!

serve ME rite! padan muke kt dr sndr kan.. sape sowh x prepare... gile teruk aku buat presentation.. tah pape.. laen yg nk ckp, laen yg kuar.. haishh.. mst markah teruk giler... aduiyyaaaii... xde harapan la nk dpt pointer tggi cmne.. berangan je la jwbnye... tp kan, bkn nye aku x prepare langsung.. tp KURANG prepare... ngeh3... nk sedapkan ati sndr kan... ok.. tu jek nk ckp tuk entry kali ni.. nk siap2 tuk next class pulak... seb baik xde presentation da ari neh....

word of wisdom...

        " Life becomes easier when you stop having to pretend you are someone you are not. "

cam xde kene mengena pon ngn entry neh kan... tp ntah... just feel like sharing it.. hehehe... dats all for now.. n dont forget to keep on smiling!!!

note to self: need to practice on how to present in BETTER way...

regards,
a girl with smiles! =))

insomnia.... damn!

ok.. almost few weeks tdo lmbt.. n skang da susa nk tdo.... mate ngantuk, tp still xleh tdo.... cmno nk bwat ni ha... haishh.. den da la ponat nih.. *tbe2 kuar loghat nogori lak kan* hehehe.. hurmm.. since aku xleh tdo, mari kt melalut dlm neh... ape nk tulis yek.. rase cm nk menaip je nih.. tp xtau nk ckp pasal pe.. ok.. let me see.. hurm... assignments! yes! mari kt bercakap pasal assignmentS.. diz sem aku amek 7 subjek.. tu include koko la iaitu golf.. ha.. jgn xtau.. aku maen golf skang.. bio x reti pgg kayu pon.. ngeh3... lupe lak.. koko itu ialah kokurikulum.. ke kokorikulum? hurm.. either one la kan.. yg penting aku kene amek subjek koko ni untuk 3 semester utk membolehkan aku graduate dgn jayanya! ha.. last 2 sems aku da amek bola sepak n rakan kaunselor.. hebat kan.. hehehehe.. n dis sem, amek golf.. y? sbb time ni la dpt maen golf dgn free.... ha... kalo maen kt luar, kene byr tau.. mahal lak tu! game tuk org kaye kan... tp seb baek subjek koko ni tiap2 ari sabtu jek... xde la rase malas sgt nk pg kan.. *walau slalunye mmg malas pon* hikhikhik... ok back to 'assignments' td.. aku ade 6 swubjek, x include koko la kan sbb koko xde assignment pon.. setiap subject akan ade 1 individual punye assignment n 1 group punye assignment.. so, basically satu subjek ade 2 assignment... so, 6 darab ngn 2 equals 12.. simple cmni la.. 2+2+2+2+2+2=12.. bayangkan! aku ade 12 assignments! banyak x?!!! banyak kan.. tp tu la life seorg student.. ceewwaahh... cam la aku sorg jek student kan... tp seb baek a few assignments da siap n da submit.. kebanyakan individual punye la.. so skangt ni tggl yg grup punye jek... tp yg grup punye ni pon.. masyaallah.. susah! lebih2 lg bile kene deal ngn ramaiorg neh.. fenin kepale weh..! ye la kan.. laen org, laen pendapatnye... tp bile msg2 xnk mengalah, doh guane..?? ha.. tubik doh ckp ganu aku... huhuhu.. tu la yg aku ngah fenin skang.. assignmnt yg lecturer tu bg tu pon xnk kalah kan.. die ingat universitu aku ni famous sgt kah..? mmg x la kan.. lg nk sowh deal ngn company beso2.. bile x famous, mane la so company tu nk lyn kan.. bo layan je la jwbnye.. tp, xpe, kami akan berusaha utk mndptkn pointer above 3.50 diz semester! yeay! insyallah.... amin.... tbe2 aku cm da ngantuk kan.. mybe sbb mkn ubat selsema td kot.. ok la.. nnt la smbg... lalok suda.. ape2 pon, dont forget to smile people!!

layan lagu neh dulu ea before tdo...

much love,

a girl with smiles! =))

its been soooo difficult....

rase cam da lame sangat... tp sebenarnye x sampai pon setahun... in fact, br few months... at first, i was so damn sad... rase cam ditumbuk pastu dipijak n dicincang lumat2.. pastu kene buang lam laut... camtu la perasaan nye... i am trying so hard to forget him.. but most of da time i failed.. in fact da feelings get deeper n deeper each day..  knape aku kene melalui semua tu.. i tot that only happen in movies.. not in real world... but i shud realize that those stories in da movies came from real life.. real experience... as for me that is soooo not good experience... rase cam ade lubang yg sgt besar n dalam dlm hati nie.. each time i'll try to climb out of that hole, i just fell right back into it.. n it sucks... it really really sucks... n i hate that.. dats not supposed to end like that.. i felt so betrayed...n da facts dat i cant tell anyone about it... cause im so damn embarrassed! setiap tempat yg aku pergi, mesti remind me of him... dat is y i hate dat place so much..  but i cant run away.. its not like i dont want to.. its just dat i cant.. i really cant.. sumtimes i always wonder... y do this things happened to me..? am i dat bad n dat diz is da way God chose to punish me..? but i cant do dat.. im not supposed to doubt God.. ni bukan citer hindustan yg bley suke2 nk marah tuhan.. thank God dat i still have my faith in God.. n i will always will.. mybe this is only some reminder for me... always think twice or think a lot before do anything..

people tend to say let bygone be bygone.. i've tried.. n i failed again as usual... people always told me to forgive n forget.. tp still x boleh.. it hurts so much dat i cant even breath! it felt like my heart r going to explode..! sumtimes i just hope dat it explode so dat i cant think about it anymore.. n mybe, just mybe i can be heartless.. so i cant feel anything anymore... when i cant feel, i'll able to think about myself only.. just me.. dont need to be afraid of falling again.. because falling in love is sumthing that i shud be avoiding.. people come n go... but i cant seem to let him go... he probably r enjoying his life to da max rite now.. n i..? stuck in diz stupid memory... its not like im not enjoying my life.. i do enjoy my life.. every minute of it.. but still, theres sumthing missing.. i never care or love anyone da way i love him.. there.. i said it.. i LOVE him! n i still do... dats sad rite.. pathetic i guess... but wat shud i do... hes not mine anymore.. n i hope hes not going to be mine... i tend to believe dat if we're r destined to be together, he'll come back... but now, after all that happen, i really dont want him to my life partner.. as i said, i love him.. but i dont think hes da one for  me...

nevertheless, i tried to accept new people in my life.. but its hard.. cause im afraid.. afraid dat im going to face da same thing all over again.. cause i dont think dat i can handle it again.. n still, im not sure whether i really like him or he just an excuse for me to show to everyone dat im over my ex.. sumtimes.. no.. most of da time, i really wish that we get back together... stupid rite..? i noe... cause like i said before... everything dat i do or everywhere dat i go, it will remind me of him.. it sucks tho...

argghhh..... this started to make me dizzy... i hate it! hate it to the max... i always said to keeps on smiling rite..? but now, even i cant smile.. n i hate him for making me diz way..

"The things that we crave the most are the things that destroy us the quickest."

regards,

a girl with smiles =)) 

unimportant tHinGs!

Life sometime can be deceiving. What is that supposed to mean? I’ve no idea. 

It’s been awhile since the last time I wrote on this blog. A lot of things had happened. And a lot of people say that things happen for a reason. But, I really want to know what the reason behind all that happened. It is not because I doubt the power of God, but it seems that I really want to know why. Sometimes I can’t actually accept the things that happen. I’ve tried my best to accept everything. Trying to think that there’s always a blessing behind all of it. But still, I just can’t. 

It’s been almost three weeks since I’m back in this beautiful Terengganu. Its not that I hate this place but this place holds a lot of memories that I want to forget. Everywhere I go, I seem to remember everything. The harder I try to forget, the stronger it stays in my memories. I’ve come here to learn, to study and to increase my knowledge (that’s what my father says to me two years ago). But its been three weeks and I still does not have any moods to study. My brain seems to fade away everytime I went to class. I tried to focus when the lecturers give their lecture. But it only last for half an hour (that is the longest time that I can focus). The next minutes, I started to day dreaming. 

I do not know what actually happened to me. It feels like I lost my direction. I do not know what to do. To make it worst, sometimes there are people that I feel like punching them in the face. There are so damn annoying. But when I think back, sometimes it’s not actually their fault. It is probably my fault. It is? I don’t know. But let’s talk about other things.

When I’m wondering with my friends at town, I saw a lot of people and always wondering how is their life. Especially when I saw those cobblers. They look very old and yet there are still working at the side of the shop, repairing customer shoes. The price of every repair jobs that they done is not that much. Sometimes I don’t think that they had any customer at all. I wondering, where are their children? Don’t they have any? What do they eat today? Where do they live? Can they survive with that kind of job? And it feels sad every time those questions appear in my mind. But they doesn’t look sad at all. They always smile when people look at them. And I always think that what if my father works like them? What if I live the way they live? What would my life be? There’s a lot of ‘what if..?’ questions in my mind. Do I able to survive? Do I able to live my life the way I live now? How do their children live? What do they eat? What brand their clothes are? Do they even know there are brands that name Charles and Keith or Prada or even Guess? Are they happy with the way they live?

People here seem to be thankful with everything that they have. They don’t feel embarrassed buying anything at ‘pasar malam’ or tepi jalan’ or Mydin. For them, everything that they buy even if it is at ‘pasar malam’ they still treasured it. Before I came here, I always feel that things at Mydin or ‘pasar malam’ or that kind of places it so not my thing. Its not that I was ashamed or anything for buying things at those places but I just don’t know a lot about it and to be honest I feel that it so  ‘xde standard’. But here I learned that buying things at those places does not mean that you lower your standard. I saw a young boy that smile so big when his mother bought him a pair of shoes. Its not a Nike shoes orJjimmy Shoo shoes or even Bata shoes. Its just an ordinary shoes that his mom bought at Mydin, but still the boy was so happy. There are people that buy jeans at the market. So, what is actually wrong with buying things at those kinds of places? It stills the shoes and the jeans and the clothes that can be wearing, but why do I felt like that back then? I also do not know the reason.

Maybe it’s because the way I raised and the environment around me. Now I realized that buying things that are not branded does not mean that you had lowered you standard. It just make you appreciated the money more. Why do you want to buy a bag that cost you rm300 when you can actually buy a lot of other things with those rm300? What actually the differences with the bag that cost you rm200 with the bag that the price is only rm50? It still has the same function. It still has the same colour. Or if you’re lucky enough, it have the same design also. Some people said to me that we can actually differentiate between the real one and the imitation one. But when I put both things side by side, it does not have any differences. The only differences maybe the zip that had been sewed upside down. But people will not look at the zip of your bag right? So, what is wrong with buying cheaper things? 

So now I’m trying my best not to waste my money with buying those entire unnecessary things. Sometimes it works but sometimes it’s not. But I’m trying my best. But I don’t know why I talked about thins things. Hurmm… maybe I just feel like writing something. Because now I feel much better after writing all those so not important things. Anyway, whatever happened to me I will always keep smiling cause somewhere along the day, they will always something that makes me smile and make my day!

Keep on smiling people!

A girl with smiles =))