Life sometime can be deceiving. What is that supposed to mean? I’ve no idea.
It’s been awhile since the last time I wrote on this blog. A lot of things had happened. And a lot of people say that things happen for a reason. But, I really want to know what the reason behind all that happened. It is not because I doubt the power of God, but it seems that I really want to know why. Sometimes I can’t actually accept the things that happen. I’ve tried my best to accept everything. Trying to think that there’s always a blessing behind all of it. But still, I just can’t.
It’s been almost three weeks since I’m back in this beautiful Terengganu. Its not that I hate this place but this place holds a lot of memories that I want to forget. Everywhere I go, I seem to remember everything. The harder I try to forget, the stronger it stays in my memories. I’ve come here to learn, to study and to increase my knowledge (that’s what my father says to me two years ago). But its been three weeks and I still does not have any moods to study. My brain seems to fade away everytime I went to class. I tried to focus when the lecturers give their lecture. But it only last for half an hour (that is the longest time that I can focus). The next minutes, I started to day dreaming.
I do not know what actually happened to me. It feels like I lost my direction. I do not know what to do. To make it worst, sometimes there are people that I feel like punching them in the face. There are so damn annoying. But when I think back, sometimes it’s not actually their fault. It is probably my fault. It is? I don’t know. But let’s talk about other things.
When I’m wondering with my friends at town, I saw a lot of people and always wondering how is their life. Especially when I saw those cobblers. They look very old and yet there are still working at the side of the shop, repairing customer shoes. The price of every repair jobs that they done is not that much. Sometimes I don’t think that they had any customer at all. I wondering, where are their children? Don’t they have any? What do they eat today? Where do they live? Can they survive with that kind of job? And it feels sad every time those questions appear in my mind. But they doesn’t look sad at all. They always smile when people look at them. And I always think that what if my father works like them? What if I live the way they live? What would my life be? There’s a lot of ‘what if..?’ questions in my mind. Do I able to survive? Do I able to live my life the way I live now? How do their children live? What do they eat? What brand their clothes are? Do they even know there are brands that name Charles and Keith or Prada or even Guess? Are they happy with the way they live?
People here seem to be thankful with everything that they have. They don’t feel embarrassed buying anything at ‘pasar malam’ or tepi jalan’ or Mydin. For them, everything that they buy even if it is at ‘pasar malam’ they still treasured it. Before I came here, I always feel that things at Mydin or ‘pasar malam’ or that kind of places it so not my thing. Its not that I was ashamed or anything for buying things at those places but I just don’t know a lot about it and to be honest I feel that it so ‘xde standard’. But here I learned that buying things at those places does not mean that you lower your standard. I saw a young boy that smile so big when his mother bought him a pair of shoes. Its not a Nike shoes orJjimmy Shoo shoes or even Bata shoes. Its just an ordinary shoes that his mom bought at Mydin, but still the boy was so happy. There are people that buy jeans at the market. So, what is actually wrong with buying things at those kinds of places? It stills the shoes and the jeans and the clothes that can be wearing, but why do I felt like that back then? I also do not know the reason.
Maybe it’s because the way I raised and the environment around me. Now I realized that buying things that are not branded does not mean that you had lowered you standard. It just make you appreciated the money more. Why do you want to buy a bag that cost you rm300 when you can actually buy a lot of other things with those rm300? What actually the differences with the bag that cost you rm200 with the bag that the price is only rm50? It still has the same function. It still has the same colour. Or if you’re lucky enough, it have the same design also. Some people said to me that we can actually differentiate between the real one and the imitation one. But when I put both things side by side, it does not have any differences. The only differences maybe the zip that had been sewed upside down. But people will not look at the zip of your bag right? So, what is wrong with buying cheaper things?
So now I’m trying my best not to waste my money with buying those entire unnecessary things. Sometimes it works but sometimes it’s not. But I’m trying my best. But I don’t know why I talked about thins things. Hurmm… maybe I just feel like writing something. Because now I feel much better after writing all those so not important things. Anyway, whatever happened to me I will always keep smiling cause somewhere along the day, they will always something that makes me smile and make my day!
Keep on smiling people!
A girl with smiles =))